Lack & Legitimation In Hetero- & Homo-

I am going to broach a very touchy subject here, and hope to do it with some delicacy--provided that is possible to do so given the subject matter. So please bear with me as I venture into the often heated and contested waters of sexual difference vis-a-vis Hetero- and Homo-.

Even when we look at the etymological origins of the words that we use in the English language to describe and define our sexual differences we see that there is an acknowledgement of 'otherness' (Hetero-) and 'sameness' (ala Homo-). The Hetero- finds 'otherness' erotic. It is summed up in the 'opposites attract theory of eros.' Different sexual organs. The otherness and alien-ness of the 'other' is something erotically longed for--with the sense that this 'otherness' will somehow complete us. After all, if the 'other' has what we lack and we are able to unite or join with the other than we will become more than we were prior to such a uniting with the otherness of the Male or Female.

The psychological dimension of Homo-sexuality takes on a decidedly different cue. This is also where I feel some hesitation. I hope to tread lightly and give some added meaning and significance to 'Homosexuality'---not take it away.

If we consider the etymological roots of the word 'Homo-' we are pointed in the direction of 'sameness' and 'similarity.' The erotic nature of homosexuality is referenced to this sameness. Similiarity is what is found to be primarily erotic. And what I suspect is behind this is the psychological call or need for confirmation. Whereas the Hetero- seeks completion of his or her being through the sexual unification of difference, the Homo- seeks confirmation of his or her being through the sexual unification of sameness.

The desire, need, longing for 'confirmation of one's being' is one of the central themes of homosexuality in our times. Acceptance. The homosexual desires and longs for acceptance--wants to have his or her sexuality confirmed. The longing is for legitimation of an erotic longing for sameness and similarity.

Maybe I should be said again: the Homo- desires a legitimation of his or her erotic longing for sameness and similarity, in the same way that Hetero- longing of otherness and difference is already legitimated by most peoples/socieites/cultures.

All of which leads me to ask a question: What can we say about a society/culture/peoples who find that they are unable or unwilling to legitimate the eroticization of sameness and similarity? Does it mean that the erotic dimension of humanity is only supposed to be reserved for difference and otherness?

We can see and note similar evidence for the above in terms of the de-legitimation of masturbation and self-pleasuring by those very same cultures/peoples/societies that have tended to de-legitimate Homosexuality? The message is loud and clear: Thou shalt not experience Eros in relation to 'what you are' or 'are similar to', but only in relation to 'what you are not,' or 'are dis-similar to.'

So, as a Man or a Woman the conventional sexual rhetoric tends to point in the direction of finding the erotic not within us, as much as apart from us.... outside of us... in the Otherness of Male or Female. The result is the sense that our own being cannot be erotic... a holder of Eros, a place where we can find it, discover it, know it, revel in it. Instead, you/I/we have to seek it elsewhere. You/I/we lack it. So now you/I/we must go and find it in what is dis-similar.

Either completed erotically in the other...

...or confirmed erotically in the similar.