The Search Of The Absent Father

Why is the single-father the exception rather than the rule? Why is the single-mother the rule rather than the exception? Why, also, are 'absent fathers' existent in such epidemic proportions, from the backwoods of the Kentucky hill-country to the boroughs of the inner-city?

In considering any sort of sane and well-reasoned response to such questions I find that personally I am tending to shy away from the conventional views that postulate man's basic nature as an 'asshole' or 'dickhead,' a 'prick' or a 'mother-fucker.' Although there may well be some truth to those accusations, I would contend that much of why the above-mentioned realities are so chronic and persistent an element in so many people's lives--not the least of which are the children--is due to Man's search for compensation related to His Most Obvious Lack.

Again, my hunch is that Man does not feel children to be his in the same way that Woman generally does. He did not carry the child. Man did not birth the child. Man did not nurse the child. So Man oftentimes is compelled to go on a search that has him compensating with his 'little baby' of a red sports car. In short, Man goes on a search--hence the absenteeism--for some 'thing' that will become his 'little baby!' Some 'thing' that Man can nurse and nurture. Some 'thing' Man can give birth to and embrace. Some 'thing' that is his--that belongs to him, that reminds him of his capacity to express care and concern.

The irony, then, is that Man's Feminine-side tends to come out not in his relationships with people so much as his relationships with 'things'---i.e., with artifacts. Though he many love his children, in his imagination those children are really hers, they belong to Woman. He did not bear them. He did not birth them. Heck, he only had a hand (or is it a penis?) in their creation for all of the five minutes it took him to prematurely ejaculate late one September eve!

But his 'stuff?' Those are his babies... his little creations... his little bundles of joy. That's why he spends so much time at the office, in the studio, in the workshop, out in the garage tinkering with his car or motorcycle. That is why he is missing, gone from home, absent, sometimes never to be seen again: because he is searching for his feminine-side to emerge in relationship to some 'thing' that will allow him to say, for the first time, 'Now that is some thing I can nurture and nourish. I could give my life for that.'