Binge & Purge, Love & Hate, Lack & Fullness

I love you. I need you. I miss you. I want you. I have to have you. So, I will eat you, consume you, devour you.

Mmmmm.... you are so good...so good for me.

Followed by: I hate you. You disgust me. You make me sick. I feel all bloated with you inside me. I despise you so much. You are awful! Get out of me! I will throw you up, puke you out. I swear to God!

Bllllllaaaaaaahhhhh... you are so bad... so bad for me.

Binging and purging. Quite a dance with emptiness and lack is it not? That desperate need to consume, to devour, to be satisfied and fulfilled. Yet, once all of that is attained there is an equally desperate attempt to get the 'foreign substance' out of the body. It has to be removed. Urgently so! Now! There is no time to waste!

The ravenouse appetite promptly gives way to a sense of disgust. What a cycle that is! What a vicious circle represented by the binging and the purging, the loving and the hating, the desiring and the despising. Desire immediately followed disgust. The thing adored and consumed in an oral frenzy is, once it is consumed and ingested, is suddenly the thing despised and hated.

How can we want and desire so much and so badly only to do an about face and despise and be disgusted with that which was just a moment ago the most urgently desired thing in all the world? How can pleasure and enjoyment so quickly give way to their seeming opposites? How can we want something or someone to so become a part of us, only to feel invaded and infected, impinged upon and corrupted, once that something or someone enters the body-mind?

Does it mean we love the desiring more than the satisfaction? Is the anticipation better than the actualization? Is wanting to be satisfied better than being satisfied? Are we hooked on desiring? Do we, humanity, in a sense have a love/hate relationship with satisfaction and fulfillment?

Maybe we resist a sense of the journey's end because we love the journey so? Perhaps we purge ourselves and make ourselves empty so we can take up the 'pursuit of happiness' once again? Perhaps the bingers and purgers of the world are suggesting that fullness is overrated: that it is better to be hungry; that it is better to be eager to pursue the prey than digest it; that it is better to want than it is to rest contentedly; that the moments before consumption are far better than the moment's afterwards--which is perhaps why that first moment is re-created in an obsessive-compuslive manner, immediately, through the act of emptying and purging.

Either that or we just want to eat to our heart's content and still be thin: have our cake and be thin too!