The Reclamation Of Subtle Energy

How are we to access subtle energy? How can we lay claim to those hidden reserves? How might we open up to what is made available to us by the mere fact of our existing, such as we do? After all, in terms of work and love, any increased access to subtle energy on our part is liable to have an impact on our capacity for both working and loving. It means we can love more and work more. It means that our loving and working will both have a more 'energetic feel' to them.

Think about it from the standpoint of physics, and consider what has been mentioned elsewhere on this blog: namely that the work we are able to do is contingent upon the energy that is available to us. So, if we have more access to subtle energy do you not think that it will stand to increase our capacity for work. All of which we might take to mean our capacity for creativity--i.e., for giving to the world, for birthing, for purposes of emergence.


Subtle Energy As Clouds of Glory

The English poet William Wordsworth wrote that we come into this world 'trailing coulds of glory.' We come, in other words, with a subtle body that has energetic properties. For the fortunate few in this-world those 'clouds of glory' are honoured and respected by those who are given to embrace the child's (re)incarnation into this-world again. For such children there is no painful experience of dissociation from the subtle body; one that results in a pervasive sense of emptiness and passionlessness deep inside of one's self. For those fortunate ones their subtle body, hence subtle energy, is welcomed into this-world.

If those metaphorical 'clouds of glory' are respected in the form of a child's innate energetic disposition and feel, often manifesting in the form of some gift or innate talent, then that child will tend to bring more energy to his or her play as a child--which means that if all goes well the child will be able to bring more energy to his or her working and loving as an adult.

Now, for those who are made to experience a denigration of the subtle body there is a need to reclaim the subtle body for one's own sake. Many who experience such a fate end up entering into therapy of one sort or another. It is summarized in what has become known as 'regression in the service of transcendence': the need to go back and re-connect with the subtle body in the form of those 'trailing clouds of glory' so that one can have more a sense of fullness and passion in one's loving and working.

And that is how it must be. I mean, how can we relate gracefully in an energy-deprived state? How can we work well in such a state? Do we need not energy to engage the world--not just gross energy in the form of food and respiration, but that energy that is tied up with our subtle body; those 'clouds of glory' that are the birthright of each and every child?

How's This For Subtlety??

I am sure that the first person to stumble across some petroleum bubbling up from the ground may not have realized the energy that it contained--at least not until a flame came into contact with it. Then an eventful, world-transforming Ka-Boom! disclosed the energy locked within what may have appeared to have been an innocuous black sludge.

I often get the sense that this is just how subtle energy exists: that it is ever-present and totally evident, although unrecognized until the energy is released via some form of ignition. We are immersed ina fields of subtle energy yet know it not. For instance, have you ever been around someone who 'just went off'--who went into what appeared at the time to be a totally inappropriate emotional storm or tirade when there seemed to be no rhyme or reason for it. I know I have. And I bet you have too.

Obviously when that happens there is a ton of energy that is being released--emotional energy, psychological energy... subtle energy. It is like a 'subtle form of energy' has been ignited to the point where there is a literal explosion of power and forcefulness. And yet, just a moment before that and one would not have been able to see any evidence for the existence of this 'subtle energy,' i.e., one would not have been able to confess to the existence of that energy.

But it must be there somewhere, right? I mean, if energy can neither be created nor destroyed, in accordance with the Law of the Conservation of Energy, then the energy that we see being unleashed in a torrent of cursing and slamming doors must have been stored somewhere. Like the innocent enough looking sludge, there is no clue, no hint of what devastation or destruction is possible by our unwittingly lighting someone else's subtle fuse.

After the fact we may look around at others with that quizzical, beffudled countenance that says,'What the hell was that all about?' Even the person who 'went off' may wonder what the hell happened. They may even confess something like, 'I don't know what got into me... I really don't... I just lost it there for a minute.'

Perhaps they didn't really 'lose it,' though. Maybe they found it. They found where 'subtle energy' had become trapped. They found where energy had become bottled up and where pressure had built. And it is an important discovery to find out where 'subtle energy' tends to accumulate in us psychologically (as well as physically in our musculo-skeletal system). Because once we can discover that energy we have the possibility of accessing it for the purpose of creative and worthy pursuits in accordance with our passion for love and work. To me that is a better path to take than having all of that 'subtle energy' stored away in some unconscious corner of the body-mind... only waiting for the day when someone finally 'sets us off!'

Looking Into The Nature Of Subtle Energy

There are many ways we can approach a discussion of subtle energy--i.e., of what it is, and what it isn't. One of the more relevant ways of doing so, in line with the central enquiry informing recent writings posted here, is to look at how the use of subtle energy plays a role in managing people.

How do leaders get the most out of those whom they are given to lead? How does management inspire the workforce? How do presidents mobilize the populace? And, in turn, how do parents and educators alike encourage the best in children? It can't just be a matter of supplying the requisite degree of gross energy, can it? It is not just a matter of feeding our children, of giving a paycheck to our employees, of providing safe communities for our citizens. Doesn't an effective leader, parent, manager, or educator use subtle energy to guide, inspire, and encourage others?

We will often see real leaders and educators employing the use of dreams and visions, purpose and meaning to inspire others to mobilize themselves. You don't just feed people and let them wander about in the desert of meaninglessness (postmodern nihilists or otherwise!). Rather, one can more effectively mobilize the energy of the gross realm if there is skill in how the energy of the subtle realm is dealt with. And mayI say that disregarding the energy of the subtle realm is never an option for the effective mobilizer of peoples--in fact, it can't even happen.

Hitler didn't mobilize the German people through dangling carrots of material wealth before their eyes as much as he mobilized them through the use of subtle energy (and obviously towards a very (self) destructive and inhumane end. Like the energy of a fire that can destroy a house or burn well-contained in a hearth to warm a house, subtle energy can serve various purposes, depending upon the designs and intents of those employing subtle energy to mobilize people. Advertisers use and employ subtle energy--in a sort of media-drenched voodoo--to mobilize the masses to pursue various products and services. Images and emotions rule in advertising (which is a point any marketing expert certainly understands).

Yet one cannot fix the power of an emotion or an image in space and time. It shows us just how directly the energy of the subtle realm can affect the energy of the gross realm: that a vision coupled with enough emotion can become a force that change the landscape of the material world.

There is no seeming substance to the energy of the subtle realm; it is not as fixed and solid... not as concrete... as the energy that becomes manifested in the gross realm. For example, a mere thought or idea does not appear to be as potent as the explosion of an atomic bomb as it sears across the landscape; yet, in truth, that thought or idea is far more powerful and potent--there is much more energy contained in that little, immaterial thought than is in the atomic bomb. If only because there is no bomb apart from that amourphous initial thought that sets the ball rolling in the gross realm.

It is perhaps why Ken Wilber has implored, time and time again, that the world cannot be transformed by focusing on material conditions alone; the gross realm is not where the answers lie. It is a change in consciousness (the subtle realm, if you will) that results in a transformed world: healing in the subtle realm = the eventual healing in the gross realm. In Wilber's own words, 'The revolution, as always, will come from the within and be embedded in the without.'*


*Wilber, Ken: Sex, Ecology, Spirituality (P. 197), Boston, MA: Shambhala, 1995.

The Way(s) Of Energy

Work requires energy. So any question as to 'How?' or 'Why?' we work must necessarily include an enquiry into the nature of energy: where does it come from? how many forms of energy are there? can we generate energy? or is energy but that which is transmitted through us, i.e., we are but a channel through which energy travels?

Trying to work without energy--to work while being depleted--is one of the more frustrating experiences for the labourer as well as the manager seeking to get the best from his or her charges. Working in an energy-depleted state tends to result in shoddy work. Quality suffers as our energy wanes. Think about it for a moment. If you have a very important task you are given to handle late in a day that has already been long enough, don't you tend to feel better about that task if you are able to set it aside until morning, so that you can come back and tackle the task with all of your reserves fully charged? I know I do. I know that my work performance is directly related to the degree of energy that I have access to. In an energy-depleted state I tend to get foggy and scattered in my thought processes. I have a harder time focusing. I find it easy to be distracted. It is like I don't have enough energy even to hold my attention steady!

That is how important energy is to work. No energy = no work. And so I would propose that if we are going to be talking about 'Integral Work' then we have to look at energy from an 'integrally-informed perspective'--in other words, we must look at energy as it manifests in three generallly related, albeit distinct, realms. These are:

1) Energy as it pertains to the gross realm.

2) Energy as it pertains to the subtle realm.

3) Energy as it pertains to the causal realm.

While I intend to go into each of these realms in further depth and detail, let me just suggest to you at the beginning that while the energy of the gross realm is very much understood (having been long studied by everyone from nutritionists concerned with carbs, protein, and calories to physicists concerned with thermodynamics) this has not been the case with the energy related to the subtle realm and the causal realm. The energy we have access to via these realms is just as crucial in terms of the work can or cannot do as is the energy related to the gross realm. As Jesus said, 'Man cannot live by bread alone.' And I would add, neither can he work effectively by bread alone!'

For example, if our 'heart is in our work' then I would contend that our work becomes empowered by a reservoir of 'subtle energy' that would not be present if our heart where absent our work. Just imagine an object created by an artist who pours herself into her creations, and compare that with an object created in mass fashion out of molds that number in the tens of thousands. Now tell me what object is infused with subtle power.

The point is that you cannot point to the infusion of subtle energy in an object even though you can sense its presence (or lack thereof). Sacred objects, like talismans, have been known to be charged with a power and force that is not of the 'gross realm.' The energy is not in the gold or the diamonds, but in the infusion supplied by a conscious being who injected subtle energy into the seemingly material object.

It is why every truly authentic artist works with subtle energy in the artifacts that they serve to bring to fruition. And it is why we can all sense the presence of that energy, even if we cannot quantify in the same way that we can quantify mass or charge. It is there. Those artifacts--whether a five-course meal created by a master chef, or a necklace made be a metalsmith--reveals the presence of more than just energy from the gross realm.

Energy & The Physics Of Work

In keeping with an 'integral view' on the matter of work I thought it apropos to consider the 'physics of work.' What is work, objectively speaking? How is worked defined in the realm of physics (which is considered the most fundamental realm of objectivity we are privvy to)?

According to physics, work is little more or other than the 'transfer of energy.' The application of force over a given period of time is said to be what 'work' is. The movement of objects from one location to anther is 'work.' Energy being transferred from one body to another is what work is.

For example, when we go to work in building a house we apply force to the head of a nail, via a hammer, in order to drive that nail through one piece of wood and into another. The work we do in that moment is a transfer of energy that results (provided we know how to drive a nail effectively) in connecting one piece of wood (object) to another piece of wood (object). After many such moments the result of so many 'transfers of energy' culminates in a house that a family can call 'home.'

Now, without work (energy transfer) there would be no house built to call a 'home.' Work is what makes our homes, our works of art, our highways and the automobiles that drive upon them. Work is like a ceaseless act of 'giving birth' by contracting muscles in order to generate force so that the generated force can be applied to various objects in the world (both for moving those objects around, as well as for creating new and novel combinations/syntheses of those objects).

Even sitting at a computer screen moving a cursor around is a form of 'work' that involves the transfer of energy in order to manipulate objects. These might look like words with a decidedly subjective side to them (as they convey meaning and significance in the form of information), but they are also objects that are generated through the application of force to a keyboard. Thus, even that which does not appear to involve a lot of intensely 'physic-al' effort follows the basic protocol of what physics dictates: that no work can be done without, and apart from, the transfer of energy from one body to another.

Perhaps such an understanding can lead us to ask, 'Then where does the energy come from in order for us to work?' How do we get energy oursleves so that we can then work by our transferring that energy to other objects/bodies? Does it mean that the question of work--through the lens of physics--is a question of energy?

It would seem to be the case to me. After all, how many times have you woke up in the morning without feeling the necessary 'energy' in order to go to work? Or, how many times have you experienced an afternoon lull, when your energy waned and you found it nigh unto impossible to be 'productive?' Do not those subjective experiences convey something as to the validity of physics objective definition of what work is? In other words, do we not have direct, subjective experiences of what science has come to discover about the world of 'objects,' and what Ken Wilber has termed 'Its?' That we can't do work--move bodies/objects--when we can't even move our own body/object!!

Work, in the objective sense, is not associated with personal feelings and dreams and passions as much as it is viewed as being the ways in whihc we apply force in order to move various objects.

Following Your Bliss Firmly, Resolutely, Unwaveringly

I am fond of those stories about the would-be Zen practitioner who is forced to sit outside the gates of the monastery as an expression of his or her sincere intent. Because of the inherent difficulties along that path of devoted practice there seems to be a need to test the 'fire' of the would-be monk or nun. Are they serious? Is their motivation pure? Do they have the mettle to endure swallowing that 'red hot iron ball' that is zazen?

Numerous other examples are evident in other traditions, whereby the young apprentice is forced to endure severe tests and trials. It is a way of seeing if someone 'has what it takes.' I mean, shoot, if you can't sit outside the monastery gates for a day or two in the snow how the hell are you ever going to endure the rigours of a lifetime given to meditation!!??

In the business world--the world of our careers--something similar happens when the younmg hot-shot out of Yale or Harvard is given some huge responsibilities in order to see if they can hold up under the pressure. Certain managers, like Lamas, Roshis, and Rinpoches, want to see what the person is made of. It is important to see how reliable someone is. They say that is why the rigours of residency for would-be Doctors are so demanding; often brutally so. After all, if you are a Doctor you WILL have to perform under pressure, making life and death decisions, and perhaps doing it on little to no sleep at all. So it is important to 'weed out' those who are not going to be able to handle the pressure.

It is kind of like getting thrown into the 'deep-end of the pool' without ever having been taught to swim. Because instincts can't be taught, but are inherent, it is important to disocver what kinds of instincts a person has underneath... deep inside. Do you have 'ice in your veins?' Can you 'stand the heat' and not wither? Are you 'firm and resolute' in your resolve?

Being forced to sit outside the monastery in the cold and snow is one wayof finding out? ; o )

Those who would not make it in the long-run usually give up easily; while those who are destined to be included in the contemplative proceedings will stay in the snow as long as it takes. Just like the young prince, Siddhartha, who was firm and resolute in his resolve to sit beneath the Bodhi Tree, and not rise until he was 'enlightened'--until he became a Buddha, an awakened one--we, too, can realize our ultimate success in those endeavours where we are incapable of wavering.

When we follow our bliss down a trail of tears and through all manner of pain and hardship we know our intent is pure. It can't help but be! For why else would we endure what we must in the name of that which matters most to us--be it our children or our enlightenment, our lover or our aging parents, our environment or innumerable sentient beings. That is 'taking your seat' in the truest sense. Not moving mountains... but becoming one!

Not Following Your Bliss: The Consequences

My suspicions are that if we are not 'following our bliss'--for any number of different reasons--then we will not be able to continue on in the midst of the challenges and trials that will inevitably come our way. We will falter. We will break-down. We will likely collapse in the face of those challenges.

On the flip-side, though, if we are following our bliss it seems that we are empowered to overcome any challenge that we are confronted with. We are able to persevere that much more when we are pursuing that which we are passionate about. We won't cave. We won't collapse. We won't give in or throw in the towel when the going gets tough... and yes, the going always gets tough somewhere along the way.

Tibetan Buddhist Lamas and Rinpoches, when considering the validity of why someone wants to take up 'spiritual practice,' usually focus on that person's motivation: why does this person want to take up spiritual practice? why does this person want to go on retreat? what is this person's primary motivation for coming to see me? want are they here for? The reason motivation is taken into account is because the Lamas and Rinpoches know from personal experience that if the practitioners motivation is not pur and noble then they will falter. For instance, if someone is practicing to have specific experiences of the 'spritual' or 'mystical' variety then they will probably not endure the inevitable hardships of spiritual practice that are simply part and parcel of the journey being undertaken. They will grow discouraged and frustrated if such experiences do not come. They will start to lack motivation to practice... because practice is not giving them what they think they want from it!

Applied to work--and what I am calling Integral Work here, in these pieces--an inability to align with one's bliss, in order to be empowered and motivated by such an alignment, will tend to result in some failure of motivation. We just won't be able to get up and go to work. The money will not be worth it anymore. We will become physically and/or psychologically unwell. We will feel like our ass is dragging all day long... and we won't seem to know why! A total lethargy will set in. Our whole being will feel as if it has gone on strike: physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually depleted we will feel.

The result is that even the smallest thing can set us off. The tiniest challenge at work will feel like we are staring Mt.Everest in the face. We just don't seem to have that passion to tackle the big jobs given to us. Why? Because our heart is probably not in it!!

That is the thing about 'following your bliss'--no one has to convince you to do anything! Empowerment comes from within. Our very soul becomes an unending source of encouragement so that mountains seems to us like moleholes. That is the beauty of aligning with your bliss... with pursuing the progress of your own peculiar passion: the journey feels as if it is blessed--like you have already succeeded, because you are on a path where your Heart is also.

(Pray everyone could be so fortunate.)

The Challenges Of Excellence & The Mark Of Character

Though it is not necessarily an 'integral' tenet, as it has been around as long as there have been earnest human-beings seeking to make a valued impression on their surroundings, the call to excellence does bear a mention when it comes to 'Integral Work.' For one, there is the well-known tactic bourne of evolution that conspires to have sentient beings take the path of least resistance. If there is an easy way out it seems that sentient beings--be they in the form of a White-Tailed Deer or a White-Haired Executive--will opt for the path of lesser resistance vs. the taking of a more arduous path.

Unfortunately, when it comes to quality and the challenges that come along with pushing ourselves to grow and develop not just our character, but our multi-facted skills, there is an imperative that we go the way of the difficult. It is summed up in our 'going the extra mile.'

Where others might take 'short-cuts' in the hope of achieving the aim of excellence, those who know better realize that quality is often a struggle with the lazy, selfish, slothful, ignorant aspects of our 'self' that would prefer to only do enough so as to 'just get by.' Excellence, then, is really an ongoing psychological and spiritual struggle that places us in a position where there is a degree of conflict present. Perhaps it is a conflict between what St. Paul called the 'weak flesh' and the 'willing spirit. Though some may argue with those terms there is an indication of the inherent struggle that comes with excellence and an earnest striving to 'transcend inherited conditions and circumstances.'

In Buddhist terminology one might say that the 'weak flesh' of St. Paul is not unlike the various 'sheaths' that in the Pali Canon are said to make up the conditioned self. Those sheaths, in their aggregate form, keep for a relatively inert manner of existence that can be seen as being habitual and addictive in the most insidious of ways. Overcoming the inherited momentum of those sheaths (transcending the power of their persistent pull, if you will) is where true growth, transformation, evolution, and enlightenment are said to reside.

Pop psychologists and self-help gurus often point out that 'If you keep doing what you have always done you will keep getting more of what you already have.' If we want more out of life than what we now have (or, if we want less, i.e., less drama and suffering and poverty and pain) then we have to enact new ways of doing things. In order to do so we have to resist the inherited urge to conditioned ways of being and doing that just offer us more of the same.

For example, if we are eager for excellence and desire to have our person associated with words like 'quality' and 'skill' then we need to exert and extend ourselves in ways that we may have never done so before. We can't just assume that habit will be the way to go and leave it all to conditioning. Nor can we just assume that following others and 'fitting in' with the status quo and the mediocre masses is the way to go. We have to be willing to push against our own internal boundaries that have defined what is possible for us. We have to be that 'willing spirit' that has faith in the fruitful future for the ones who can beyond the averages. That is, after all, where our excellence and evolution reside--in our going beyond the average; in our doing what others are un-willing to do; in our exerting ourselves in unison with where our true passions happen to reside. For in that synchrony of personal passion and strident effort true success in Integral Work emerges.

Might The Challanges Of Love and Work Be Much The Same

Discovering the work we were meant for, is not, oddly enough, unlike the process of seeking out the one whom we were meant to love more than any other. There is both a sincere desire to finally 'meet our match,' as well as a healthy dose of 'romanticism' in searching for the perfect job as there is in searching for the perfect lover.

On the side of romanticism rests both our sense of possibility--as we feel what can be (that stirring in our soul that compels us to head in the direction of a fulfillment we can sense on the periphery of our lives, a fulfillment we desire to draw nearer and ever nearer to)--along with many exaggerations of what those possibilities both include and invite into our lives. Romanticism in work, as in love, seems to suggest that we are going to be able to 'have it all' and forever rest easy in our being able to 'have it all.' The perfect job will bring our soul to rest. The search will be over. Our being will relax into its appointed destiny.

Many a college graduate has struggled with the fact of their having gotten a degree in the field of their choosing, only to go to work in that profession that is aligend with their passion and discover that they are not ultimately satisfied. Just as in love, the deflating hangover bourne of one's 'great expectation' comes about. Why are thing still difficult? Why is there still struggle? Why is there not that peace and perfect satisfaction that one imagined there would be back when this day was a faint dream of adolescence? Why is there not more 'bliss' if we are indeed 'following our bliss' as Joseph Campbell invited us to?


Integral Work Is A Stretch

I certainly went through a stretch in my life when I assumed that 'following my bliss' would result in me 'feeling bliss'... and feeling it all the time! Now, though (after a few years more exerience with the vagaries and vicissitudes of human existence), I am firmly convinced that you can 'follow your bliss' and not experience deep, penetrating bliss for extended periods of time.

Direct, personal experience suggests to me that there are peaks and valleys in the experience of 'following your bliss.' It is perhaps like realizing that you have disocvered your soul-mate, only to go through the delfating period of post-honeymoon blues that are oftentimes just a simple 'fact of life.' If this is the case--as I believe it to be--then there is a danger that comes in our assuming that difficulty is synonymous with our no longer being where we belong, i.e., we are not with the person we belong with; or we are not in the job we belong in.

I have not personaly heard this expressed by anyone. Experience, however, tells me that you can 1) be actively following your bliss, while 2) not feeling particularly blissful about it!

Just as you can be in a relationship with the man or woman of your dreams, and still go through difficult stretches of time--times that usualy 'strengthen the relationship'--so, too, can you be 'following your bliss' and go through periods of work that seem nothing but tedious and pain-staking. Perhaps this suggest why bailing out when the 'going gets tough' is often the worst thing we can do for ourselves, let alone for others. For it may be in the 'blissless' moments that we are moving towards a much greater and deeper experience of bliss itself? It may be that difficulty and struggle are passages---birth canals--where intense pressure is felt as we are bourne into a whole new dimension of experience--experience that leads towards more Integral* Work... and more Integral* Love.


*(By 'more Integral' I mean to say, 'less partial.')

Back To Work (for the time being... )

With a lot of time on my hands during our hospital stay, I did have a chance to contemplate this matter of 'Integral Work' some more. Being put in a position where I didn't have the comforts of home at hand, having few distractions, and several sleepless nights on a cot covered in one of those plastic mattress pads (I guess, just in case I peed the bed!) left me with a considerable amount of time for further thought on the matter. One of the initial things that struck me about 'Integral Work' was not that it would be easy and effortless, as much as that a truly 'Integral Vocation' would challenge one physically, mentally, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Perhaps it is owed to the ideals of my 2o's. Perhaps it was a misunderstanding of what 'following one's bliss,' ala Josepch Campbell, really consisted of. I guess I thought that finding the 'perfect job' like finding one's soul-mate (the perfect lover) would make everything easy as pie. Life, in other words would be effortless in both the bedroom and the boardroom.

I am not so naive now. Nor do I suspect that it would be beneficial to not be challenged. We--provided we are going to evolve, transform, grow, develop, mature... or whatever word-concept you happen to prefer as a stand-in for those terms--require challenging circumstances and conditions that call on us to extend our capacity. Yes, our capacity for creativity under fire. Yes, our capacity for calm under pressure. Yes, our capacity for insight at just the right time, in just the right way. Yes, our capacity in terms of the ability we have to do work that engages us in as many areas as possible.

To get a sense of what I am conveying here, recall a time when you laid your head down at night, prepared to go to sleep, and realized how you were both totally and completely spent, as well as deeply fulfilled. This is what 'Intergal Work' serves to accomplish: we are both spent and satisfied at every level of our Being. It is a contented exhaustion. We don't have anything more to give. We gave the world all we could that day. We know it. We don't go to bed unfufilled and discontented--nor do we need a drug or pharmaceutical to put us to sleep because we left a stone or two unturned and we know, i.e., our guilty conscience haunts us into restless fits of tossing and turning. We lay down at night with nothing held back either physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. We go to bed empty.

Is This Our Greatest Power?

I want to thank anyone and everyone who was given to lean their hearts and thoughts our (Monica, Uriah, and myself) way over the past few days. I am deeply honoured and humbled. Thank you so much.

The truth is that I am quite in awe of the 'power of caring' that we carry within us as human-beings. A power that we can cultivate and intensify, that we can encourage and amplify (or, conversely, a power that we can neglect and allow to atrophy). I am so amazed by the generosity exhibited by the Doctors and Nurses at both Otsego Memorial Hospital in Gaylord as well as Munson Medical Center in Traverse City. Doctor MacKay of the Women's Clinic in Traverse City gets a special nod. He really came through for us at 'crunch time' (and you know when someone comes through in the clutch when you can see the initial look of concern on their face when you first meet them, as well as how they inform you as to their lack of certainty in terms of the outcome--in other words, he was not sure of what would happen with us, but made the noblest effort anyways).

It is that sincere and genuine caring for the welfare of another that has so deely struck me. I suspect that all of the intellectual knowledge and academic scholarship--as well as the technique of modern medicine--is fairly impotent without the engine of caring behind it. It is just something that you can feel. Monica and I spoke of this frequently over the past few days. You can literally feel someone else's warmth towards you (or lack thereof!). Each of the nurses exhibited a varying degree of this warmth and caring. It was not something evident in their skill as a nurse (they can all set up a monitor to check the unborn child's heartrate; they can all check your vitals) as much as it is that which is exhibited in the character of their person, i.e., in the 'how?' of the 'what?'

I suppose it came across to Monica and I like this: it is not in 'what?' the nurses and doctors did for us, but in 'How?' they did it. How did they express their knowledge and understanding of what was needed? How did they (or did they not) exhibit the fact that they cared deeply about the 3 of us? That is where the power was... and is! That is where it is felt... sensed... perceived. Not in the cold instruments of their trade, but in the tenderness of their application at just the right time, in just the right way, for just the right reasons.

Not just skill then.... but the vibe wherein the skill is demonstrated. The Heart creates an atmosphere of warmth and healing energy that no naked instrument used in a cold and calculating manner--no matter how technically exacting--can ever duplicate or approach.

The power is in the Heart.
The precision is in the skill.
Together you have
A True Healing Force.

Making It Home

We have made it home
after seeing/hearing quadruplets
bourne into this-world
at 25 weeks.

(Amazing gift!)

We have made it home
after being dealt with soft
hands and
softer hearts.

We have made it home
after travails that incited
a riot of prayer
in our hearts.

We have made it home
after (re)awakening
to the omnipotent
power of community.

(the wealth of relationships)

We have made it home
after being both
exhausted and buoyed
by circumstances beyond our control.

We have made it home
to once again
await the penultimate day;
the birth of a new light into this-world.

We have made it home
grateful for that which cares,
as well as those who allow
caring to be their very Nature.

(thank you).

How This Is Truly Enough

Things have mellowed over the night here at Munson Medical Center, in room 1103. It seems the Magnesium Sulfate has lessened the pre-term contractions Monica was experiencing. This is something to be thankful for, very much so. The Doctors have confessed that they can't stop a pre-term labour if it is going to come... but they can buy some much needed time: time that our unborn son needs to develop just that little bit more, especially where his lungs are concerned.

So we are sort of exhaling here, waiting to see what is going to happen. It is kind of calming for us after the tumult of the past two days. And it is also kind of eerie, maybe even a little anxiety-inducing. We would like to know what is going to happen (just as thousands of other people who are either staying in this hospital or are related intimately to someone who is).

We drift in a sea of uncertainty. The baby could come at any time. Monica has not yet dilated any further than she initially was (again, thanks to the Magnesium the Doctor's say), even though it is no guarantee that she won't in a moment's notice. After all, that is how this all began: just preparing a meal... then boom!... our world was transformed.

I have found it helpful to focus on the small things. The 'big picture'--because it is so uncertain and hazy--only seems to generate further feelings of anxiety and concern about things that I have no control over (that we have no control over). It has resulted in a very Zen-like approach to being here. Just washing Moncia's feet. Just putting lotion on her back. Just sitting here looking out the window at the snow-covered boughs of a Black Spruce. Just breathing this breath. Not another. Not another breath. Not the next one. Not tomorrow's breath. Just this breath. Just this moment's moment breathing us into Being now.

Oddly, that is enough.

Just When You Think You Know What Life Is About...

Any illusion of having things figured out--of how things are going to be, of what one is going to do, or of what one is not going to do--fade in the increasing glare of a direct confrontation with reality (or maybe I should have wrote, REALITY there?).

Logging on from a hospital room in the neo-natal unit of a hospital 90 miles from home is not where I had intended to spend this Friday evening. But here I am. Or, rather... here we are. By 'we' I mean to say my girlfriend of almost 2 years, Monica, our unborn son, Uriah, and yours truly.

It all started so suddenly last evening after Monica returned home from work. She was getting ready to cook supper when she started to have 'contractions.' Contractions are not a bad thing at 39 weeks... but at 31 weeks they can be a very serious cause for some very real concern. So we rushed to the nearest hospital--which in our case happened to be 30 miles away in the small Northern Michigan town of Gaylord. We ended up spending a sleepless night there, hoping that some of the measures taken by a very sincere medical staff--including our OB/GYN, Dr. Minor--would take hold and ease the contractions some. The last resort of an IV solution of Magnesium Sulfate didn't ease up the contractions one bit (much to our frustration... and, I should honestly add, tears). So we were all rushed to the nearest hospital with a NICU (neo-natal intensive care unit). And now we sit here in Traverse City, having been transported through a blizzard that has delivered over 12" of fresh snow in the last 24 hours (yeah, when it rains... or in this case, snows... it really pours... or should that be 'blizzards?').

It is going on 9:00 PM now. Poor Monica has had intermittent contractions every other minute or so for more than 24 hours now. She is wore out! I can't imagine what she is going through. I am just trying to be there for her as best I can. Giving her occasional drinks of cold water, putting a cool rag on her head, buzzing the nurse, massaging her back, giving her a sponge bath, reassuring her as best I can. They seem like such trifling things... but damn if that isn't the best I can do. Damn if that isn't all I can do!

It reminds me of how much we are still at the mercy of so-called 'Mother Nature.' For good or ill too! Even the best trained Doctors, who have been schooled in the best learning institutions the world has to offer are powerless to determine the course Nature is want to take. We are prey tor forces beyond egoic control here. I could kick and scream and shout and demand and beg and plead. And it would be to no avail. So I am just trying to be a clam presence in the midst of a storm-tossed little boat in the middle of this wide, brilliant, frightening Ocean of Existence. An Ocean where birth and death are perpetually knocking at our doors, whether we realize it or not. An Ocean upon which I pray--pray for safe passage. Not for I alone, though, but for we.

I pray for strength for us to be able to ride this wave out... come what may.
I pray for peace to arise in the center of the anguished cries of labour come too early.
I pray for wisdom to know what to do when doing is a must... a necessity... an urgent command.
I pray ceaselessly, without end. Just as this note to dear friends far and wide is itself a form of prayer. Just as this note is a 'call to prayer.' Hear me shout from the top of the Mosque. Hear me cry out to Allah in good faith. Hear me beseeching the Ocean of Existence to carry us to a friendly shore.

Integral Work Anyone?

Unapologetically, I am going to be quite idealistic over the course of the next few weeks. I want to explore what a thoroughly 'integral-working situation' might look/feel like. I want to dream a little here. I want to explore. And that is precisely what I am intent on doing: seeing if I might not be able to divine the depths of a decidedly integral working environment.

Let's begin with the theory behind the concept of the 'integral.' First, let's quote the primary authourity on these matters, namely one Ken Wilber. He writes in his journal cum book, One Taste that,

"There are many ways to explain 'integral' or 'holistic.' The most common is that it is an approach that attempts to include and integrate matter, body, mind, soul, and spirit."

Does Mr. Wilber not mean to suggest that the 'Integral Approach' is one that seeks to honour, as well as engage actively, the full totality of our being on all the levels upon which that being (or Being) is expressed? Which we might also suggest is merely another way of saying that the 'Integral Approach' is one that seeks to do justice to the fullness of our humanity in both its immanent and its transcendent aspects.

Applied to work we already have a sense of how it is that certain 'working-situations' only engage us in a partial manner. I am sure we have each experienced 'mind-numbing' work that is tedious in the extreme. There is also work that only engages us as material beings--i.e., as matter, as a body. Such work also seems to have a detri-mental effect over the long run. The other dimensions of our Being atrophy. Mind gets dull. Soul goes dormant. Spirit gets dissociated. We literally can 'go numb' in those critical areas that make us fully human. Hence we become in-human or sub-human as a result of the 'working-situation' that does not engage us in an integral manner.

Those dis-engaged dimensions (soul, spirit, mind--as well as the body for those working in excessively mental environments such as those we see more and more in the age of the Information Revolution) can also raise a ruckus within us; as expressed in various symptoms we might call instances of pathology. That which is not actively engaged at work--in our labours--can manifest elsewhere. Not unlike a child, if we do not actively attend to every plane/dimension/level of our Being we could well experience ourselves being made to attend to them by their acting out in ways that appear to be destructive.

That is why exploring the full-range of implications of what 'Integral Work' might look like is so very important. After all, if we don't work in an 'intergally-informed environment' then we are working in a partial one. Which is an environment that is bound to be debilitating in time. Maybe not today. But somewhere down the road 'partial-work' cripples us.

And perhaps even more importantly don't we all want to be able to 'show up fully' at work and not have to live out the tired scenario where we are only partly there... and partly elsewhere... dissociated in the moment... precisely because the working-situation itself is not totally engaging?