Caution Ahead: Grandpa In Training: Slow Driver In Outdated Sedan
I drive slow. I mean, really s-l-o-w...... So slow that your Gran and Gramps roll up on me and tailgate my ass. I swear they even flipped me off. Simultaneously, I might add. I won't hold it against them. I am sure they are fine, upstanding citizens who go to Church regularly and gossip about their friends like all good Christians do.
The thing is that my 'style' of driving---yes.... I have 'style' when I drive.... is made for Sundays, only everyday of the week. I have no special day for driving slow and enjoying the scenery. Every day is like this for me. In fact, it is probably the one thing that I have found essential in disengaging from the proverbial "rat-race"---the one that even well-intentioned folks do not realize they are caught up in. Slow down. It is your foot on the gas, not someone else's.
I have wondered often what purpose getting on that hamster wheel and going as fast as possible serves? What is the goal? Are we racing to death? Does the person who drives faster get places sooner so they end up doing more 'things' in life? Or does the person who drives faster merely miss out on so many little things that are lost in the blur that is the view offered out the side window?
Does speed let us get more done? Or does speed rob us off sinking deeper into the one life we have?
I don't mean to pick on you lead-footers and NASCAR wanna-bes. I know you all pay your taxes and floss. I just think you all are fucking nuts riding my ass like you do. Literally. N-U-T-S!! Some of you are NUTS with small children. Which is double or triple NUTS according to wikipedia!
It's not like I set out with the intention of getting in your way when I left the house. No. Really. Contrary to what you may believe not all of us think about "you" all the time. Besides, what happened to savouring a moment or two? Do we all need to be perpetually freaked-out and live life like we are constantly 15 minutes late for an appointment (observation suggests that the answer to that question is "Yes.")? Where is the joy in that. Not to mention we make everyone around us a potential crash-test dummie. And no.... not in the sense of the Canadian band and our humming with them the song, "Mmmmm..... Mmmmmm..... Mmmmmm.... Mmmmmm..... God... something or other." Literal, crash-test dummies. Only without the attractive and stylish jumpsuits.
Yes, I know you have brand-new minivan and you want to see what it can do. I know I am impeding your progress to a better-life based on speed and efficiency. I know I am a roadblock in my 1991 Chrysler Imperial prepping for retirement in a gated Floridian retirement village where we all drive golf-carts and three-wheeled bicycles. I know I piss you off. And you know what? I am not sorry one bit. Why?
I am not sorry for me bothering to enjoy the road, the drive, the day. I am going to notice things that you whizz past and never see. I am going to avoid an accident or three that you will be in because you are moving too fast to effectively respond to other situations around you. I am going to live longer---on average. I am also going to have enjoyable conversations with the people who ride with me. We are going to stop frequently and look at things that we see alongside the road that interest. We are going to take more pictures of Sunsets and stop at more dumpy roadside diners and dives where we will discover secret culinary treats. We are also going to wave as you drive by with your foot to the floor, your blood pressure to the ceiling, and your middle finger raised and flying free like the true symbol of the United States of America that it is. Fuck yeah! We are going to enjoy ourselves and our journey no matter what. Because you know what the secret of peace on the road is: if you are the slowest driver out there no one ever impedes your progress, gets in your way, pulls out in front of you, cuts you off, or puts your life in danger.
So feel free to honk and wave as you drive by. I'll be having a nice day.
The thing is that my 'style' of driving---yes.... I have 'style' when I drive.... is made for Sundays, only everyday of the week. I have no special day for driving slow and enjoying the scenery. Every day is like this for me. In fact, it is probably the one thing that I have found essential in disengaging from the proverbial "rat-race"---the one that even well-intentioned folks do not realize they are caught up in. Slow down. It is your foot on the gas, not someone else's.
I have wondered often what purpose getting on that hamster wheel and going as fast as possible serves? What is the goal? Are we racing to death? Does the person who drives faster get places sooner so they end up doing more 'things' in life? Or does the person who drives faster merely miss out on so many little things that are lost in the blur that is the view offered out the side window?
Does speed let us get more done? Or does speed rob us off sinking deeper into the one life we have?
I don't mean to pick on you lead-footers and NASCAR wanna-bes. I know you all pay your taxes and floss. I just think you all are fucking nuts riding my ass like you do. Literally. N-U-T-S!! Some of you are NUTS with small children. Which is double or triple NUTS according to wikipedia!
It's not like I set out with the intention of getting in your way when I left the house. No. Really. Contrary to what you may believe not all of us think about "you" all the time. Besides, what happened to savouring a moment or two? Do we all need to be perpetually freaked-out and live life like we are constantly 15 minutes late for an appointment (observation suggests that the answer to that question is "Yes.")? Where is the joy in that. Not to mention we make everyone around us a potential crash-test dummie. And no.... not in the sense of the Canadian band and our humming with them the song, "Mmmmm..... Mmmmmm..... Mmmmmm.... Mmmmmm..... God... something or other." Literal, crash-test dummies. Only without the attractive and stylish jumpsuits.
Yes, I know you have brand-new minivan and you want to see what it can do. I know I am impeding your progress to a better-life based on speed and efficiency. I know I am a roadblock in my 1991 Chrysler Imperial prepping for retirement in a gated Floridian retirement village where we all drive golf-carts and three-wheeled bicycles. I know I piss you off. And you know what? I am not sorry one bit. Why?
I am not sorry for me bothering to enjoy the road, the drive, the day. I am going to notice things that you whizz past and never see. I am going to avoid an accident or three that you will be in because you are moving too fast to effectively respond to other situations around you. I am going to live longer---on average. I am also going to have enjoyable conversations with the people who ride with me. We are going to stop frequently and look at things that we see alongside the road that interest. We are going to take more pictures of Sunsets and stop at more dumpy roadside diners and dives where we will discover secret culinary treats. We are also going to wave as you drive by with your foot to the floor, your blood pressure to the ceiling, and your middle finger raised and flying free like the true symbol of the United States of America that it is. Fuck yeah! We are going to enjoy ourselves and our journey no matter what. Because you know what the secret of peace on the road is: if you are the slowest driver out there no one ever impedes your progress, gets in your way, pulls out in front of you, cuts you off, or puts your life in danger.
So feel free to honk and wave as you drive by. I'll be having a nice day.
posted by David Jon Peckinpaugh @ 10:27 AM
3 Comments
3 Comments:
Very funny, but very assuming! I have a lead foot and I attribute it to ADHD:
"Accidents are the leading cause of death until age 40. A study by Barkley et al published in 2002 demonstrated that adults with ADHD had a significant higher incidence of traffic violations, and license suspensions than patients without ADHD. This research suggested that ADHD patients were five times more likely than non-ADHD patients to have five or more speeding tickets and three times more likely to have had three or more vehicular crashes."
AND I HATE IT and would love to enjoy all of the things you do about driving slowly. But it takes so much concentration and so much energy that literally hurts my brain to drive slow. So, when I am passing slow people my thought process is something like, "I wish I were more like that annoying effer. :)"
Sorry, Brooklyn. Very assuming, is right. :-(
I know more now than I did earlier today because of you. Thank you for contributing to increased understanding, awareness, and empathy. I hope I can put it into practice as skillfully as you so often do.
Love,
Annoying F'er!
Can I ask if you experience any sort of "shift" in your awareness when you are driving in more scenic areas where the natural beauty commands your attention and awareness?
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